This session is designed to educate all you cats in the science of test taking. I now proudly present some questions lifted straight off the NMSQT (National Mung Squirters Questioning Test)

Section I Social Science Reading

It is doubly imperative that all rulers must instill fear in the hearts of their subjects. To do this, a ruler may have them beaten twice or three time daily. It is also important that a ruler be absolutely honest with his subjects. He must not tax them more than three oxen or 40 per cent of crops per week. Also he must be very careful about executing people. It's strange, but people do not condone executions unless the executionee is one of the ruling class.

Question 1: What is the object of beating your subjects?
A. To encourage the growth of cancer in welts
B. To encourage the love of one's subjects
C. To increase productivity
D. In hopes that one of them might be Morfit or one of those finks in disguise, and one might put an end to this crummy column by beating them to death

Section II Science

Please examine this table carefully‑and base your answers upon the information contained therein.

An experiment to determine just how much punishment a few little monkeys can stand.

Administer                     Amount
Monkey No. 1             arsenic              5 grams  Monkey broke hot cigarette
              No. 2               nerve     6 pills      Little twirp bit my finger clean off.
                                    pills      
              No. 3             nicotine            10 ml     Died.  Upon dissection found 
                                                                           cranberries growing in left lung.
              No. 4               GL-70 4 g         Three days after monkey came
                                                                         running in with card in hand, yelled,
                                                                         'Look Mom, no cavaties.'
              No. 5           arrogant conceit   6 pills    Now treasurer of Triple M.
                                    pills
             No. 6               Mortsde            43 cc.    Goes around saying, 'Tut tut.'
                                   Injections

Section III Math

Twelve men were working on the Holland Tunnel project.

If the first sand hog totes 16 bales, how much air pressure is needed to keep all 12 men's ears from popping?

A. A geodesical amount
B. 10.15 bessemer grams per cubic itch
C. Ladies choice‑everybody dance
D. Not given

Section IV Language Usage

To be antiidistablishmenttarianistic is to be:

A. A shlub
B. Eligible for GAA on account of 4th girl offspring (coach Carstens)
C. A social climber (Tomi Frazier)
D. A fink

Well now, stand up on your desks and stretch, and as you leave please sign the petition for abolishment of emergency lights in the passageway behind the stage.

Morfit and the Finks