Quick‑Straw Macaw, Hardslapping outfielder of the Maine West Warrior baseball team, is shown in one of his natural poses with a bat in his hands. We are sorry that we are not allowed to show him in his other natural pose, eating.

Yes, Quick‑Straw's only bad habit is not pushing away from the table. Coach Carstens of the Warriors mentioned that Macaw's weight would be just right if he were seven feet tall.

Quick‑Straw is one of the few high school players to use a nine pound bat. Umpires couldn't understand this tremendous weight in a wood shaft.

One day they noticed that the bat was strangely magnitized due to the iron streak through the center. Quick‑Straw was suspended for six months that time, but we know he's innocent, don't we?

Our subject plays the field.

He is without a doubt the fastest student at Maine West. Although he has so far been held to a batting average of .003, Quick‑Straw has now struck out 121 straight times for a new conference record. He also holds a record for outfielders by having more relatives in Oklahoma with first names of John than any other outfielder in the state.

Quick‑Straw has already been approached by Minor League representatives. "Fireball' McSmurd, of the Wala‑Wala Wallflowers, offered our own Quick‑Straw seven pieces of bubble‑gum and a broken bottle to sign. Quick‑Straw refused, though, because our team needs him.