Greetings scholars, administration, general public, and Morfit readers.

We have now arranged for Maine West to meet the intellectuals in this column after much research and contemplation.

SOVIET UNION OVERCOME BY U.S. SCHOLAR

Morfit was recently selected to be one of Maine West's exchange students to the Soviet Union. Unfortunately, "heh, heh," while in Moscow the poor dog fell in love with a shapely, blond cossack hat and refuses to return home. Therefore, if you know any dogs, that is, the four‑legged kind, with big blue eyes, drooping ears, and cavernous mouth, please keep it at home; we don't want it.

ATTENTION BOOK CATERPILLARS

We announce the sensational new novel by the re­nowned young author Karen C. Fischer. The book, I Have A Secret And Intend To Keep It, will be published soon by the House of George.

PHILANDERING LESSONS

Lessons are now being given after dark for those in beginner, intermediate, and advanced group. Please, if anyone is interested see W. Langhoff.

ATHLETIC FITNESS

Chuck Weber, Maine West's answer to Bob MacDonald and the Warriors' star trackman, was seen purchasing Smith Brothers' Smokers' Drops last Monday. Hey Chuck, how's the cold? BASEBALL EXTRAORDINARY

During a recent baseball game an avid baseball enthusiast, named Carol Dillon, was accused of skipping second base. In reply to this dreadful accusation she asserted, "There was a man on second!'


POETRY

Lately I've studied
Also I've cramed
Only to find
I've flunked my exam.

By Bruno
Maine West's Poet Idiolaureate


Hobbling by leaps and bounds on my crutches.

THE fINKS