Welcome back to good ol' Maine West.

Once again my Phynques and I have been madly dashing around trying to present the truth‑the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

The frosh have sure had their share of problems. Peggy Graf, do you honestly think that you deserve a full period for lunch?

My Phynques and I couldn't decide if Nancy Postema or Laura Newman should get the coordination award for falling in the halls, so we have declared a tie.

Attention, please. We have just had a flash report that the new winner of our coordination award is John Heavey for his dramatic performance of falling into a manhole. Congratulations, John.

If Jill Anderson borrowed Sue McGrath's telescopic fish glasses, maybe she could watch "Dark Shadows" starring her favorite vampire without having to race home every day.

Those tables in the cafeteria sure hurt when they fall right on your knees don't they, Linda Wesolowski, Jody Kinder, and Birgit Lonergan? I'm sure that Gene Behrens would have gladly helped if he hadn't been locked in the supply room in B-wing.

Maybe Linda Remsing could give Barb Fox a ride in her new doll buggy. It seems that Barb experiences terrible pain during exercises in gym class.

Keith Gundersen, aren't you afraid you might get bored in the trunk of that car? Kevin Kaitis could sure help you by showing you his great collection of charades for all occasions.

Time sure does fly while you're having fun. My Phynques report that it has been 6:30 about 43 times in the past week. It's always 6:30 in C‑wing gym. Clock troubles again!

Some freshmen can't even read. Donna Waytine couldn't even read the sign on the boys' washroom. Maybe the only solution is to enclose her in a gray wall like the scenic one in the library.

Some summer school student just couldn't wait to see the first issue of the paper. He had to pick and pocket the lock on the Westerner newsbox.

How about helping my Phynques and me? We can't be everywhere, although we try. All signed pieces of information submitted to the newsbox in the cafeteria or A-111 will be considered.


Beware‑my Phynques may discover YOU next!!!
Morfit and the Phynques