Radio, television, advertisements, and newspapers constantly attest to the wonderful flavor and appeal of "the common cigarette."

Let's look at the average cigarette, a generous roll of fine tobacco sandwiched in a small slip of white paper, on which is printed the brand name. Of course, after a description like this a person couldn't possibly be expected to smoke the thing. Besides, the idea is to "sip it" or "puff it," that is if the cigarette doesn't become caught in the elevator door first, because of its length.

Now that we have gone over the fine qualities of cigarettes, shall we look at the many advantages of smoking? First, the smoker awakens with a wonderful vibration in his throat as his lungs work spasmodically for air. He finds himself breathing, coughing, and having convulsions at the same time.

One should not let a little thing like smoker's cough bother him; just finish off the usual "pack per day." Well, now that his cough has subsided, the smoker can get to work on coating his lungs with tar. This is a long and tedious process which he should devote himself to for the rest of his life (however long that may last).

The fact that each delicious lungful shortens the smoker's life by one 78-heart-beat minute should not make him shudder.

The smoker may mention that he can't smell or taste anything. Doesn't he know cigarette smoke is responsible for that wonderful sensation? Yes, that great invention, "the cigarette," has finally turned into a monster devouring our lives.

Most smokers won't be able to walk a mile for a cigarette, because they won't have the breath.