By DIANA THEOS

Since the proms are rolling around once again, I figure all the students need some helpful pointers from an experienced and knowledgeable person. No, not Ann Landers! Me.

The first step in getting to the prom for both sexes is direct contact. Before your evil, little minds get the wrong ideas, I will clarify. By contact, I mean spoken, written, or by jungle drum (well, what do you want?). Instead of waiting for that irresistible male to ask you out, why don't you say "hi" to him in the hall, by your locker, or the drinking fountain? Washrooms and classrooms are out, because you just couldn't act nonchalant and inconspicuous if you were in the same john together. Classrooms are a bad idea too, because that cute little note might sound awfully funny when read to the whole class ‑ especially if you have to read it.

The second step is indirect contact. Now you are probably wondering what this applies to. This is direct contact with people who know the target date. Indirect contact is good with older siblings (theirs), their friends, and mutual friends (very good). Indirect contact is not good with younger siblings (anyone's), teachers, or their old steadies. Inviting the target's parents, teachers, or doctor to a party is a bit much and will cause suspicion unless your parents are giving it.

And don't run to the target's best friend crying, "Do you think he (or she) likes me?" This leaves a bad impression on the target when the best friend runs and tells the target as any best friend would do.

The third and final step is to get the target home or to the target's home (this pertains to guys). If a guy invites a girl in to see his record collection, she is going to think that something is fishy and will probably tell you where to go. Also, if a girl sprains her ankle getting out of the car, the guy will carry her only as far as the door and will run like heck or leave her purse in the mailbox.

With these three steps I know no one can go wrong. So guys, start renting those tuxedos without the ruffled, pink shirts; and, girls, get your formals. No strapless gowns, please, unless you are woman enough to hold up your end of the bargain.


She had a silver buckle,
And sewed it on her shoe,
And 'neath a golden crescent moon
They danced the evening through.