VOL. XV, NO. 6
JANUARY 18, 1974
Predictions Cast for 1974
By JIM KLEINER and STAN LATA
When 1973 drew to a close, no one really cared about 1974 because nothing could be as bad. Many things will happen this year, and here are some highlights.
Less students will be sick this year in school as they will bring their own lunches. Dr. Richard Short will finally understand how serious the energy crisis is, unlike earlier in the year when students couldn't take two more days off to save energy that the school used but should stop driving to school to conserve fuel.
Mayor Daley might be off the hook when he tells the press why he bought insurance for Chicago from his son, if he can only keep from laughing during his explanation. Governor Walker will start showing signs of wanting to be President as he starts his walk across the country.
More politicians will be vigorously working (which is an oddity in itself) to improve prison conditions to make their lives in the far future a little less dim.
When 1973 drew to a close, no one really cared about 1974 because nothing could be as bad. Many things will happen this year, and here are some highlights.
Less students will be sick this year in school as they will bring their own lunches. Dr. Richard Short will finally understand how serious the energy crisis is, unlike earlier in the year when students couldn't take two more days off to save energy that the school used but should stop driving to school to conserve fuel.
Mayor Daley might be off the hook when he tells the press why he bought insurance for Chicago from his son, if he can only keep from laughing during his explanation. Governor Walker will start showing signs of wanting to be President as he starts his walk across the country.
More politicians will be vigorously working (which is an oddity in itself) to improve prison conditions to make their lives in the far future a little less dim.
Social Security checks will increase by 20 per cent, while the cost of living will increase by 30 per cent. Doctors will be able to stick people without giving acupuncture as they raise their prices three times this year.
On the music scene, Alice Cooper will die a slow death in concert while attempting to eat his microphone. The Beatles will rejoin and make a new album entitled "Yoko, Oh, No, Their Back."
In sports, George Halas will resume to shave his legs, as he did in the 1913 season with the Bears.
The Bears will win the Super Bowl by making a small trade, the whole team, plus 40 players to be named later, in exchange for the Miami Dolphins.
The famous Euell Gibbons will be committed this year as he tries to eat a bench in Central Park.
Little Orphan Annie, in keeping with the times, will be accused of having an affair with Charlie Brown.
Finally, President Nixon will commit suicide on the day he was scheduled in court to explain the missing Watergate tapes.
On the music scene, Alice Cooper will die a slow death in concert while attempting to eat his microphone. The Beatles will rejoin and make a new album entitled "Yoko, Oh, No, Their Back."
In sports, George Halas will resume to shave his legs, as he did in the 1913 season with the Bears.
The Bears will win the Super Bowl by making a small trade, the whole team, plus 40 players to be named later, in exchange for the Miami Dolphins.
The famous Euell Gibbons will be committed this year as he tries to eat a bench in Central Park.
Little Orphan Annie, in keeping with the times, will be accused of having an affair with Charlie Brown.
Finally, President Nixon will commit suicide on the day he was scheduled in court to explain the missing Watergate tapes.