VOL. XVI, NO. 5

Has it been "one of those years?" Did your pet hamster run away? Did your neighbors on both sides move out suddenly? Has your grade point average taken a nosedive? If so, your holiday season will probably be no improvement.

You will burn your Christmas cookies. The Christmas tree will fall over if you try to trim it. All the presents you buy will be the wrong size, style, or color. All the presents you receive will be the wrong size, style, or color.

If you are a male, your girlfriend, if you have one, has glasses one inch thick and is named Bertha. She will get you Hai Krate after shave, even though she knows you don't shave yet. If you are a female, your boybriend, whose name is probably Poindexter, will part with his prized "smile" button collection and his patch that says "Have a Good Day," even though he knows you never do.

Well Merry Christmas. There's always next year.