VOL. XVII, NO. 1

Hello, Westerners! We have the latest warning on that sudden epidemic. It's spreading rapidly throughout the school. Most students coming back from their three month recovery period are suffering from that annual, dreaded disease - back to schoolitis. You'll know you've joined the ranks of the restless that comes from a dangerously high dose of school when:

the excitement of the day is pushing the class giant off his six‑inch platform shoes. . .

you volunteer for an after school detention on a Friday. . .

the football jock hides in the john because his female teacher is wearing the same shirt as he is. . .

you cut PAR to go to class. . .

you crack up over your math teacher's "jokes". . .

you yell at pep assemblies. . .

you help freshmen pick up their books. . .

when they ask where the pool is, you direct them to the pool. . .

you neglect to do your patriotic duty for the Bicentennial by visiting your local Yankee Doodles. . .

rah rahs boo for their own team. . .

instead of having nicotine fits, you crave for all the "free stuff" Miss Nickelson hands out to all her good bunnies. . .

These are just a few of the terrifying symptoms plaguing countless numbers of innocent students. If you feel yourself coming down with this disease remember - only eight months to go.

Meanwhile, welcome back and get well soon!