By SUE BERNER

Have certain things been getting you down lately? Maybe it's your parents, or homework, or life? Don't be alarmed. This is a common ailment. Teachers call it third quarter slump; psychiatrists call it depression; but the rest of the world just calls it March.

Everyone feels the same way in March ‑ terrible. The temperature fluctuations are the cause of many horrendous occurrences. You wear a T‑shirt to school, anticipating spring, and end up huddling in PAR hoping the jukebox will give off enough heat to thaw your bones. March comes in like a lion, rips open the old Hefty bags, and whirls your family's rubbish clear across the neighborhood. Guess who is elected to crawl around the streets in pajamas and a down jacket picking up trash at 7 in the morning? It's the same person who cuts off his Levi's a little too soon and ends up staying home from school wearing pajamas all week.

There is no social whirl in March. You can't even go to the basketball games if you get desperate because there are no more. No one is daring enough to have a party, and those who are, are waiting for spring. You are reduced to watching the 10:30 movie all weekend. In three weeks you have seen every Elvis flick and gained 10 extra pounds of popcorn weight.

Everything melts in March. March is soggy. Your Adidas are mud caked. Every car in the parking lot is a dull shade of soot. Riding a bike is out of the question without someone along to desuction you. Walking anywhere near a tree, roof, or telephone wires is guaranteed to ruin that new styling job on those silken tresses of yours.

Being between winter and spring also takes away from March's non‑existent charm. You can't ski on grass. All you can do are things too exciting for the average person to handle, like peeling potatoes, making flowers from Kleenex, or watching The Beverly Hillbillies."

There is no immediate cure for March. All you can do is get out the old potato peeler, turn on Elvis, and wait for April.