VOL. XIX, NO. 4
NOVEMBER 23, 1977
Updated Pilgrim Voyage
BY KEVIN BUSCH
The rain was ripping off the water; the ocean was foaming in anger and the tiny little ship, the Mayflower, rocked and plummeted in the raging water. All aboard were starving. But, after many days, they landed in the New World, at Plymouth Rock. The rest is history.
You've heard the story of the Pilgrims and the first Thanksgiving so much that it has become turkey itself.
I'm not ungrateful for what the Pilgrims did, but let's suppose things had been a little different.
It's July 3, 1976. The first mate said, "Captain we need more throttle." The captain replied, "Full speed ahead." "Land," shouted the man in the crow's nest. The Pilgrims had finally made it to the New World 484 years after it was discovered. But wait! What was that statue doing in the water and all those buildings? The Pilgrims thought they had failed and that they had wound up in Sweden. Yet, being brave and hopeful, they docked.
They were greeted by a red-skinned, longhaired entourage in leisure suits, who introduced themselves as Merrill, Lynch, Pierce, Fenner, and Smith. Immediately the Pilgrims knew buying Manhattan wasn't going to be as easy as the Mobil Travel Guide had said.
The rain was ripping off the water; the ocean was foaming in anger and the tiny little ship, the Mayflower, rocked and plummeted in the raging water. All aboard were starving. But, after many days, they landed in the New World, at Plymouth Rock. The rest is history.
You've heard the story of the Pilgrims and the first Thanksgiving so much that it has become turkey itself.
I'm not ungrateful for what the Pilgrims did, but let's suppose things had been a little different.
It's July 3, 1976. The first mate said, "Captain we need more throttle." The captain replied, "Full speed ahead." "Land," shouted the man in the crow's nest. The Pilgrims had finally made it to the New World 484 years after it was discovered. But wait! What was that statue doing in the water and all those buildings? The Pilgrims thought they had failed and that they had wound up in Sweden. Yet, being brave and hopeful, they docked.
They were greeted by a red-skinned, longhaired entourage in leisure suits, who introduced themselves as Merrill, Lynch, Pierce, Fenner, and Smith. Immediately the Pilgrims knew buying Manhattan wasn't going to be as easy as the Mobil Travel Guide had said.
The Pilgrims offered them their boat and six Beatles albums for Manhattan. The Indians said, "We'll let you lease out the sixth and seventh floors at the Waldorf Astoria, but we ain't selling the big apple to some worms."
The Pilgrims were enraged and threatened to leave. Pierce quickly said, "How 'bout staying at least a night on us?" The Pilgrims accepted.
This night lasted for three days and three nights. Now on every July 3 we have the night on town, or Thanksgiving, if we wake up the next morning.
Now you're probably wondering what they did for three days and three nights. Well, they feasted on TV. dinners, Big Mac's, Whoppers, Coke, and hit the discos and hot spots in New York City.
After the three nights of partying, the Pilgrims decided to make America their home. Most of them moved to the more quiet and lifeless settlement called Des Plaines, actually Dead Plaines.
So, now you know how Thanksgiving might have been celebrated if the Pilgrims didn't land here until 1976.
The Pilgrims were enraged and threatened to leave. Pierce quickly said, "How 'bout staying at least a night on us?" The Pilgrims accepted.
This night lasted for three days and three nights. Now on every July 3 we have the night on town, or Thanksgiving, if we wake up the next morning.
Now you're probably wondering what they did for three days and three nights. Well, they feasted on TV. dinners, Big Mac's, Whoppers, Coke, and hit the discos and hot spots in New York City.
After the three nights of partying, the Pilgrims decided to make America their home. Most of them moved to the more quiet and lifeless settlement called Des Plaines, actually Dead Plaines.
So, now you know how Thanksgiving might have been celebrated if the Pilgrims didn't land here until 1976.
