DECEMBER 16, 1960
Santa-Nik Watches Red Tykes
'Twas der night before Xmas,
Und all through der housenfaus,
Not a Bolshevik was uprising,
Der revolutions was kaput.
Der Capitalists were hung
By their necks with care,
In hopes that der Santa-Nik
Would come to Red Square.
My frau und I had just settled down
For a long winter's nap.
When out in the alley there arose a rebellion
Und on my front door
I heard a small rap.
It was der Old Man
In an old S.S. suit.
He hada big sack
Slung over his back.
He left me a bomb
Und a small grenade.
As he got ready to exit,
To me he bade:
"Un old Russian custom
Is what I once was,
Und now I modernize
Like everyone else does.
Der People's Republik is in its prime
But alas, for me,
I'm not in mine,
I've been exported to Siberia;
So say goodby to St. Nick,
Und next year, comrade, receive
Your gifts by Sputnik!"