VOL. II, NO. 9
FEBRUARY 17, 1961

Boys Warned of Enemies' Plot To Date and Capture
This, dear readers, is supposed to be a feature article on a blessed occurrence bestowed upon us at this time of the year. Yes, I mean the Girl's Choice dance. But don't be fooled by suppositions, because this is an outright warning in the name of manhood to all boys who are thinking how lucky they are (you poor, poor, dogs) to have a date in which they won't have to drive (hah!) or plan, or make arrangements, (hah, hah!) or pay (hah, hah.)

Don't believe it guys, not for one minute. Do not fall for the pretty propaganda enticing you to come out and have fun while the girl drives (don't let 'em) and pays (again hah!), because every minute they will be sinking their claws in deeper, and deeper, and deeper (OUCH!!). Come down off of cloud Nine you guys with the satisfied looks. Try to imagine just WHOSE car those girls are planning on driving, (yours), and whose money they'll be spending (again yours), and just WHAT kind of arrangements a female (?) could make? (no comment, I'm struck dumb with terror). So, I have prepared several suggestions on defense for February 25.

First of all, watch out when she gives you that "Please, can I drive?" look, and then takes the car keys out of your hand. Take my advise boys, and make that hand a		 claw, or grow nine inch fingernails, or learn karate, but make sure she doesn't get those keys. When she throws this off with a slight.

"Well, the girl is supposed to drive on this date," come back :at her with a quick and complete recitation of Byron's Childe Harolde. Then, while she stands there dumbfounded, throw her in the car, and you not her, get behind the wheel.

Sooner or later she'll tell you that she should pick the spot to go and eat after the dance. Surprise her with a quick explanation of the Infield Fly Rule, or show her the pictures in your copy of "Guide To the Art of Limbo Dancing." And, if she still argues, go into a deep lecture on why HCl plus NaOH equal HOH plus NaCl

Well, gents, by now you should be getting the idea of just how to protect yourselves. Any more defense preparations had better not be revealed publicly, because, as you know fellas, the enemy is watching. As a matter of fact, my favorite member of the enemy is probably plotting my destruction right this minute so I will close with a warning. Don't give in boys, to that cute chick, because she's got plans and she's out to get you. Of course, if the enemy should prove to be downright irresistible...what a way to go, huh fellows?