BY MIKE UNGER

Practically everyone who attends Maine West has been assigned to a study hail at one time or another. The main objective of the "homework havens" is to do homework.

Teachers at our beloved school would agree with the previous statement. Students, however, know differently.

There are two basic types of studies. One has a teacher who resembles the prison guard in the Cagney movie you saw last night. She would give you a detention for sneezing too loudly. For anything as serious as shuffling in your seat, you would be sent to the dean.

This type of study would surely keep the horse‑play to a minimum. Hah! The minute this teacher turns her head, 50 paper wads are thrown in the general direction of the garbage can. On a good day, with the wind, about four would go in. Notes are passed back and forth constantly under the so called "watchful" eyes of the teacher.

Perhaps the most common problem for this strict teacher is the combination eyes/hand signals. In vain attempts to communicate, a student will motion with his eyes and hands to a friend across the room. When the teacher glances his way, the culprit will pretend he is scratching his ear and watching cars drive by.

Rarely is a student caught committing this crime.

This brings us to the other type of study. The teacher here is usually a young first or second year rookie. When entering this study, the first thing you would notice is the noise that sounds like a jet landing. It seems hard to believe that so many people could talk at the same time and understand each other.

Immediately recognizable would be the freshmen. They are the ones having paper airplane fights. The sophomores are the students talking about what great looking guys/gals are available. The juniors are the ones sitting around acting bored. It is impossible to pick out the seniors because they aren't there.

The highlight of this study is on Mondays. This is the day when all returning students have a contest to see who has the best excuse why they were not in attendance last Friday. The best excuse ever was given by the student who used this classic, "I forgot."

It may seem that nothing is accomplished in studies. This is not true. Some great dates are set, parties announced, and friendships made. And although I hate to admit it, when things get boring beyond all extremes, some homework is done.