BY KENDEL OKON

It's Christmas time. Like every year, my family and I make our annual pilgrimage to my grandma's house. After eating three or four turkeys apiece and devouring all of the cookies that we can, we finally get to open presents. This can be a lot of fun, especially if you get what you want. If you don't, it can be a traumatic experience. No matter how many times I make out my letter to Santa Claus, with all of the stuff I want, no one ever quite gets me what I asked for.

I remember last year when my Uncle Ralph asked me what I'd like for Christmas. I told him that I wanted Steve Martin's new album. When Christmas rolled around, Uncle Ralph handed me a package that was the same size and shape of an album. Excited, I ripped off the wrapping paper and there it was "Dean Martin's Greatest Hits." I think for Christmas this year I'll get my Uncle Ralph a hearing‑aid.

My parents asked me what I wanted. I told them a taste of Florida would be nice. So I looked under the tree and there was a large crate addressed to me. Excellent! They probably filled the crate with tons of tissue paper and put my plane ticket on the bottom. When I

finally got to open it, sure enough there it was, the ton of tissue paper. Except the tissue paper wasn't covering my plane ticket. It was covering three dozen oranges. A taste of Florida? Ha Ha. My parents are so funny.

Then, of course, there's my dear, sweet cousin Michael. He never gets me a present but expects me to get him one. The year before, he gave me a box of candy; and when I wasn't looking, he took all of the candy and ate it before I could say anything. Last year I fixed him. When I handed him his present, he looked so surprised I thought he was going to pass out. He ripped open the box and there at the bottom was a McDonald's certificate. He was so excited that he hugged me. I asked him where my present was. He looked stupid and told me that he had completely forgotten that it was Christmas and he was so, so, terribly sorry. I'll bet. I hope he enjoys his certificate. It's too bad it expired three years ago.

Oh, well, for the fifteenth year in a row I haven't received anything I wanted. I now have a solution to this problem. I'm going to Xerox copies of my Christmas list and give them to my relatives. I hope it works! Merry Christmas!