OCTOBER 10, 1980
Lunchlines
Uncle Driving on Expressway Not Worth Experiencing
Last time I promised to talk about fun on the job. At the time I was referring to after-school employment. Since that time, however, I have realized that it's a job just trying to stay alive.
One night last week I went to the Loop with my mother and uncle to see a play. I felt confident of a pleasant trip down. Little did I suspect that my uncle drove worse than even I. As soon as we hit the Kennedy Expressway Uncle kicked up the speed to 75 miles per hour. The speed itself wasn't so bad, but Uncle decided to be cute and crash into the sawhorses warning of the hole dug to extend the rapid transit line. Before losing count, I noted that we rammed into 63 sawhorses.
Once we reached Jefferson Park, Uncle could no longer destroy sawhorses. Now that we were near the el trains, he got his jollies from trying to outrace the trains. He never came close, but he did nearly plow into the concrete barricade three times.
The trip back turned out worse. Not only did Uncle tear around the curving ramps of the parking garage at 45 m.p.h., he chose to take the express lanes back. Instead of a "safe" 75, we sped along at 90, swinging from lane to lane as the mood struck.
When we came off the expressway, Uncle suddenly reverted to his placid, safe residential driving and brought Mother and me home safely. I won't ever drive with him again, though. His style of expressway driving was not only illegal but unsafe. I don't want to put my life in the hands of a maniac. Don't let anyone tell you that the only bad drivers are teenagers my uncle proves that isn't true.
(Next: Homecoming blues.)