DECEMBER 19, 1980
Cure for the Bored Revealed
It's something we've all experienced. It's something that attacks the mind. It causes nervousness and fatigue. You've had it if you know how long it takes an ant to crawl across the room. You've had it if your folder has so much doodling on it that the original color can't be seen. If you haven't guessed what it is by now, you're probably experiencing boredom.
The symptoms are easily defined. It begins with your mind wandering off to the outer limits of the universe. You can be helped at this point. The class ends and the symptoms disappear. But the disease remains. In more advanced cases the victim is usually tapping a foot and breaking out in a cold sweat. By this time there is usually nothing to be done. Once you acquire cronic boredom there is no hope.
Let me explain about the affliction. It is something like malaria. With malaria a
After the symptoms disappear, you think you're cured, but you are actually a very boring person. This disease works at you until you're a bored-a-holic. There are many things that must be done. I recommend setting up a bored-a-holic hotline were anytime you feel an attack coming on you can call. There should also be a bored-a-holics anonymous where boring people can go. We can set up a center for boredom control.
All people who have anything to do with teaching or public relations should be required to take lessons from circus clowns on how to keep their audience interested. Last, the Board of Education should set up classes and educate the young on how to combat the horrors of this dreaded disease called boredom.