VOL. XXIV, NO. 2
OCTOBER 29, 1982
World issues spark
Halloween designs
Halloween designs
Have you seen this year's array of Halloween costumes? None of them are scarry! It seems that costume designers have decided to make all of this year's costumes seem funny or cute.
Costume designers could make millions if they looked back at this year's most prominent events and made fun of them.
Why not design a 1982 N.F.L. season costume? This costume trick‑or‑treats at the first two houses, then complains that people aren't giving out enough candy, and ends up watching Charlie Chan movies like the rest of us.
Another good costume for this year would be the President Reagan "supply side economics" costume. This is the costume that the rich use, then hand down to the lower classes after they're done trick‑or‑treating. But by the time the poor get around to their trick‑or‑treating, there isn't any candy left.
There's the unemployment costume (now in its third printing). It goes house to house not knowing when it won't receive any more candy. Finally it reaches the POOR HOUSE, this house tells the person in the costume that they have to cut back on the amount of candy given out, and that it was a corporate decision, and they had nothing to do with it.
Costume designers could make millions if they looked back at this year's most prominent events and made fun of them.
Why not design a 1982 N.F.L. season costume? This costume trick‑or‑treats at the first two houses, then complains that people aren't giving out enough candy, and ends up watching Charlie Chan movies like the rest of us.
Another good costume for this year would be the President Reagan "supply side economics" costume. This is the costume that the rich use, then hand down to the lower classes after they're done trick‑or‑treating. But by the time the poor get around to their trick‑or‑treating, there isn't any candy left.
There's the unemployment costume (now in its third printing). It goes house to house not knowing when it won't receive any more candy. Finally it reaches the POOR HOUSE, this house tells the person in the costume that they have to cut back on the amount of candy given out, and that it was a corporate decision, and they had nothing to do with it.
How about the ThompsonStevenson costume? Two people go trick‑or‑treating trying to get as much candy as they can by calling each other wimps.
The Lee lacocca costume goes to each house, asks for too much candy and tries to convince you that he needs the candy to feed his family. Yet, he won't take a cut back on the amount of candy he consumes. By the way, he's feeding a Japanese family named Mitsubishi.
The Jessie Jackson costume, one of last year's favorites, has been boycotted.
The Eye of the Tiger costume has been seen so many times that nobody wants to look at it anymore.
The Liberace costume is pink and costs a thousand dollars.
The St. Louis Cardinal costume only works on artificial turf.
The new nuclear power plant costume has one problem. The person who wears it doesn't go far before somebody lies down in his path.
The Frank Sinatra‑Chicagofest costume costs $200,000, but you can only wear it for 45 minutes.
Then there's the E.T. costume. It asks for Reese's Pieces and then has the nerve to ask to use your phone.
The Lee lacocca costume goes to each house, asks for too much candy and tries to convince you that he needs the candy to feed his family. Yet, he won't take a cut back on the amount of candy he consumes. By the way, he's feeding a Japanese family named Mitsubishi.
The Jessie Jackson costume, one of last year's favorites, has been boycotted.
The Eye of the Tiger costume has been seen so many times that nobody wants to look at it anymore.
The Liberace costume is pink and costs a thousand dollars.
The St. Louis Cardinal costume only works on artificial turf.
The new nuclear power plant costume has one problem. The person who wears it doesn't go far before somebody lies down in his path.
The Frank Sinatra‑Chicagofest costume costs $200,000, but you can only wear it for 45 minutes.
Then there's the E.T. costume. It asks for Reese's Pieces and then has the nerve to ask to use your phone.
Off Beat
by Randy Johnson