Gee, these hallowed halls have been lonely! I really missed the racket within these walls during the summer, but now with all you kids back, I wag my stubby little tail in glee. I wish to welcome all you freshmen. Dog to dog (oops, sorry) friend to friend, let me give you a few "don'ts for frosh."

FIRST OF ALL, the upper classmen will be looking for "frosh," so the best thing to do is to orientate yourself as soon as possible and thereby get the look of nonchalance and age!

SECOND, watch for clumsy feet books on the floor are no good. I have enough homework without yours too!

PLEASE, by all means, watch it in the cafeteria! The embarrassment of some of you graduates of '66 has caused my long, shaggy ears to turn red. Please, no tray dropping. Falling out of chairs has also come to my attention ‑ in fact, one of you guys just missed me!

Even if it looks like you'll be late to class, please don't run in the halls; I've never seen so many track stars in any freshman class.

AND REMEMBER, frosh, the homeroom bell doesn't ring until 8:15, so why be in the room by 7:45?

Well, freshmen, don't take this too much to heart. The ramblings of my little pink tongue are never taken seriously anyway.