This column in past weeks has been a place for unfunny jokes and stupid puns. Ahem. No more! Morfit proudly presents some future predictions, intellectually based upon past experiences. Morfit will not, of course, be so prosaic as to limit himself to any indigenous realm of circumspection.

1. President Kennedy will endorse Greasy Kid Stuff.
2. Liz Taylor will change her name.
3. Lyndon Johnson will buy the Brooklyn Bridge.
4. The Cubs will win the pennant.
5. Maine West will be overcrowded.
6. The group that brushed with Crest will get 19.5 fewer cavities or die of ptomaine poisoning.
7. The Soupy Sales show will come back as a 3‑part commercial.
8. Barry Goldwater will be called "pink."
9. Nikita Krushchev will use Brand X.
10. 4.8 students will get married upon leaving Maine West.

Morfit with his deep insights knows that picking a vacation spot is a very difficult task. The following guide was created to lessen the drudgery of such a task.

1. Get a tan in Afghanastan. Only 6,245 1/2 miles from Des Plaines by air. The natives are very friendly. And just think what a thrill it will be when the natives have you for their first dinner. Be sure and travel there only between June 21 and 24, because at all other times the rainy season appears. Approximate cost of the trip is $16,000.45. The actual plane fare is 45 cents, however I the insurance costs $16,000.

2. You have not seen anything until you have gone to Mudmount, Mississippi. See! the annual hog chase. See! the rustic dwellings of the inhabitants. See! the sensational 2‑room school house. And See! the live alligators running amuck in the street. Have the time of your life for approximately $57.

3. Take a trip to Soviet Russia! Get to meet the Russian people who do the work. Get to learn of their work in the fabulous I salf mines in Siberia. You owe it to yourself and your country. Get the thrill of being called "pink" by the John Birchers! Approximate cost (which you can work off in only 32 years), is 2,100 pottsies.

Vale a Curris, so long and loads of success to all the seniors. Until next year, Arrrfh!