By your Culligan man and that lil' ole Winemaker:

What this country needs is a good 10‑cent cold cure. I oudda know, 'caud I been subberin frob codes for seberal years; in fact, eber sint I wad bored. Abder miny, miny years ob subberm and research, I hab finally discobered a cur­.

First of all, stand on your head for five minutes (this reduces sinus congestion and postnasal drip).

Second, boil three rabbit hairs (this takes the tickle from your throat and puts it in your stomach), and mix them with five

shots of rum (to warm you up), two seltzer tablets ('cause relief is just a swallow away), add a little Crest (you'll have 23 per cent fewer cavities), and finally add a little bit of tobacco (because then the mixture will taste good, like it should). You now have a cup and a half of flavor. For added zing, a hint of mint makes the difference.

Now then, it may look like tomato juice, but it sure won't taste like tomato juice.

This concoction will give you M2PG and the skin you love to touch ‑ Any questions, man? (This has been an unsolicited)