VOL. V, NO. 1

"Hey, Melburn! Did ya hear about Mr. Blanas' trip to Greece this summer! He spent five weeks there and one week each in London, Paris, and Rome.

"What did he think of Greece? Well, he took a five‑day cruise through the Aegean Islands, which turned out to be the high­ light of the trip. He said the colors were fabulous, 'exotic and out of this world.'"

"What did he think of the Grecian people? Well, they were really friendly. Since he speaks Greek fluently, he had the chance to talk and really get to know the people."

"What did he think Greece needed more of? Electricity, indoor washrooms, less oil in the foods, and more running water."

"Did anything really interesting happen to him? Why, yes while going to visit a temple in Athens he ran into a cavalcade and saw the Archbishop and the king of Greece."

"What was his general impression of Greece? The people were poorer than he'd expected they would be, especially the rural farmers. He could sense the people's struggle, but they still made him feel at home."

"What's that Melburn? Who's Mr. Blanas? The Art Department Chairman at Maine West. Where's Maine West?? Who's this speaking please? Melburn Blake? Nome, Alaska? I'm afraid I have the wrong number. Goodbye, Melburn."

"Hello, Melburn? Melburn Snerd? Hey, did ya year about Mr. Blanas' trip to . . . "

Moscow, June 8, 1963 - The city has just been invaded by Gustave Carlson, Maine West's only Russian teacher. Though sorely missed by Premier Krushchev, he did manage to find time for a summit meeting with Mr. Mikoyan and Danny Kaye at the home of the American Ambassador. The evening was done up in the usual Russian style, cocktails and all. He paid the Russian theatre and the opera houses several visits during his stay. He also made an appearance at the Russian-American track meet, but went home disgusted with the American women - they lost every event. As for the Russian woman, he had little to say about her, and that was with hesitancy. He did state that she was a little on the heavy side and her clothes copied the Paris line, though not too successfully.

Moscow, Aug. 17, 1963 - G. Carlson, recently returned from Russia, has consented to an exclusive interview for the Westerner.

When asked about the Russian attitude toward Americans. Mr. Carlson said that the average Russian regarded the American as something "old hat," much the same as the American tourist in France or any other European country. Since his last trip to the U.S.S.R. two years ago, one of the most noticeable improvements was the disappearance of bedbugs.

While living at the University of Moscow he found that all staircases were locked up. When he asked a woman why, she replied that they used elevators to save maintenance on keeping the stairs clean.