JUNE 8, 1965
Wouldn't you know it, but the first person I see is Claudia Burnett on a couch. It seems that she's still suffering from an acute fear of rocks, so she's going to weekly sessions at her local psycho-geologist, Stoney Jackson. Next door to Stoney's office is Dr. Richard Wright, D.I.P. (Doctor of Illegal Practice), who is examining Jack Ayre's amazing 50-pound head. Further down the hall, we find the offices of the local Temperance League, led by Marty Dettmer, Clyde Rowells, Frank Torchia, Steve Warnke, and John Whalen.
Now the scene is changing and I see that we're deep in the heart of Africa. There's Larry Arkus leading a safari. Ken Bixby, a member of the safari, has come along to teach the natives "Gud Inglish." Patti Forkins is trailing along behind, trying to dig up good dirt for the gossip columns back home. Kathy "The Critter" Taylor and Linda Bryson are financing the expedition. Due to their interest in wild animals, they've started a zoo back home, and now they're trying to locate a rare speciman of "The Fox" to add to their collection. Look out! My crystal ball is steaming up.
It's cleared up again, and I can see by the calendar in the background (Timothy Keane is pin-up queen for March) that it's 1972. It's also an election year and, of course, Dan Barry is running for garbage collector. His campaign managers, Ed LaPointe and Ed Newell, are both staunch members of the East Coast Liberal Democratic Party.
Some members of the Class of '65 are still working on campus. Cheri Anderson and Sue McMahon are both secretaries at the MW attendance office (that is, when they show up for work). Dreama Wells has instituted a new office at MW-she's head of the marriage counseling department. In another office, Karl Raack is carrying on where Mr. A. K. H. Cochrane left off. On other campuses, Deb Callister is a house mother at Northwestern U., and Carthy McCarthy has finally found out what makes a Phi Delta Phi Delt. Diane Walsh has been made Notre Dame's first permanent mascot.
Meanwhile, Jim Cichowski, Bob Delacy, Bob Kunkle, and Bill Rosenbergh are still in Florida where they've joined a circus. Al Kracilek, fat man, is the featured attraction in one of the sideshows. Further down the midway is Mar and Dar DeGrezios' concession stand. Their speciality? Hotcakes, of course! The matinee in the Big Top has Al Ripperger billed as the 10,000 year old man, with his sidekick, Jim Kahn, playing straight man. Pete Klose is selling ice cream bars in the stands (he's still saving the wrappers). The crystal ball is fogging up again.
There's Gail Horn thrilling the crowds at Weeki Wachi. She's a mermaid, and Chip Curtin, her manager, is throwing her a fish. At Hialeah Park, Bonnie Klaus' horse is entered in the 1st race. Naturally, Jim Smith is her jockey. Craig Ervan is in the process of becoming the first man to dog paddle across the Atlantic Ocean. His manager, Bruce Jacobsen, is tagging along right behind in his rowboat.
Elsewhere, Ron Van Scoyac has fulfilled his lifelong dream of becoming an undertaker. Across the street from his mortuary is John Romano's Chinese restaurant, whose customers provide most of Ron's business. Upstairs from the restaurant are the offices of Welch & Wyzynski (Chris and Chet), social workers; and right down the hall John "Bumpsey" Baumgartner and Kent Krautstrunk have opened a lonely hearts club.
Maine West students have made their mark on Hollywood, too. Mike Neese has proven to be America's answer to James Bond. Dave Thinnes has replaced Sam Jaffe as Gunga Thin. George Brondsema is producing a new musical version of "As You Like It", starring John Gable, with words and lyrics (both??!) by Wally Cloutier. Filmland's sweethearts, the Boobsey Twins, have been replaced by Maureen and Kathy Doherty, and an all-girl group of the Three Stooges has been formed by Sharon Boike, Paulette Lindberg, and Judy Solberg, managed by Gloria Hurst. On another set, Lorine Held may be seen playing the part of Lady Godiva.
Lorna Seitz is making history as a lady journalist through her work on the Glorified Daily Bulletin (a subsidary of The Westerner). Local girl, Kori-Sue Rohrbacher is chief headline writer, and as usual, Mark Sorensen is still trying to get his name in the paper. One world-reknown personality who makes alot of news is John Abbott, head of peace-keeping operations at the UN. Jan Divito has been make good will chairman of the Dick Jensen fanclub. Dales Alles is number one on the best-dressed list, with Dennie Dempsey running a carbon-copy second. Jane Hasse was voted the girl with the most personality by the Dog Lovers of America, and Charlie Curren was unanimously voted Mr. Universe by a panel of one judge, Miss Sandra Bouda.
Jordy Minerva has moved up the ladder at Oscar Meyer Weiners, and he is now the Baloney King around here. Also, Sandy Kunkel, Peg Callaghan, Deb Quinn, Diane DeFranco, Chris Peterson, Linda Drews, and Linda Wright, have taken over the cupcake industry. Finally Ethel Koehler has gone into laboratory research, with Dan Geisler as her partner.
Looks like the ol' crystal ball is clouding up for the last time, and that just about takes care of the Class of '65 (DRIP, DRIBBLE) for now (SOB, BLUBBER); and one must admit, Maine West will never be the same without them (SNIFFLE, SNORT): But look out world! (HUZZAH!!)
Next year they'll be back as the Class of '69!
Morfit and the Phynques