Ever wonder why so many dimes get lost on apples at Maine West ?  That machine is no fool.  Appearing to be a harmless vendor is a well-practiced front for the anomalous apple administrator.  Take a good look at the villain.  Notice the shifty motion of the close-set chutes and the tough, impregnable hide showing signs of a long life of crime.  And besides storing up dimes, what else is this dastardly machine doing? Could it be that it is storing information about Maine West students and faculty? Who knows the choice tidbits and important deals discussed over an apple?  Maybe someone knows.  Micro-electronic memory banks are possibly stored beneath the brooding exterior of the metal marauder.

The investigative branch of the Westerner has been on the case for weeks, ever since a message wrapped around an apple core was thrown through a window onto the news desk by a masked stranger.  Due to the importance of this message, it has been classified Top Secret Secret, which is more secret than Top Confidential which is more secret than Top Secret.  It has been confirmed, however, that similar messages were delivered to the FBI, CIA, and the Des Plaines Police Department.  The White-Winged Weekend Warrior also received the message, and he promised not to tell anyone except his mother.

A 24-hour watch has been slapped on the metallic monster; and one of our agents, candy machine 0011, is reporting wary signs of defection made by the apple-arrester during late night probes.

Of course, the real mystery is who or what is the head of this operation? Does the rusty rebel’s proximity to mechanized D-wing have any meaning?  Or is this a bigger job?  Just what occupies the clinical cells of the IBM machines when they’re not recording grades?  Obviously, there is a devious force on the loose.  Could it be brilliant but misunderstood dropout seeking revenge?  Are the machines beginning to take over?

Walk softly past the coke machine; tarry no by the electric toaster.  Ask if the minds that create these metal marvels can control them, if need be.  Help the school, maybe the country.  Keep an eye on the behavior of these alien opportunists; report all observances to the local Society for the Protection of Humans. What’s this . . . the typewriter . . . out of control. . . Help!