BY UTA,
United Turkeys of America

We, the turkeys of the United States, in order to form a more perfect Union (everyone else has one nowadays) and to provide for our common defense, proclaim a full‑fledged war on the inhabitants of this nation.

Why in heaven's name did we get picked for this Thanksgiving stuff anyway? People can just as well have chicken, duck, or another relative‑but TURKEY! Every year we get wiped out. Of course, the thought of the whole thing is fine‑but why slaughter us?

We understand the day itself is for giving thanks for all that one has. Maybe we are more beautiful on a platter than we are

when we strut around outside. The extra frills are appreciated by all of us, but we would appreciate them more if we were alive.

This year, people will be giving thanks and praying for the men in Viet Nam. There we will be lying on the table, I hate the thought of it. But again we may be used to feed the poor‑those unfortunate people who cannot afford enough to eat anytime. The houses that will be filled with joy because of our presence would bring happiness to the hearts of many of us. The joy on the faces of young and old alike make our plight worthwhile.

Yes, maybe we can see the point after all. We are a symbol-a symbol of thanks. Thank you for choosing us for this honor.