Greetings to all my loyal (?) subscribers!

The question of the day is will Halloween once again be marked by egging, pumpkin smashing, and other violence, or will Mainites collect their goodies and go quietly home? Only time will tell. In the meantime .

Lee Rodin modestly admitted that "It was nothing," and a group of sophomore girls are inclined to agree with him. Kim Mercer, Birdie Kabot, and Toey Belzer sure get excited when they see celebrities. How are your vocal chords, girls? We heard that Randy Hann found a needle in a haystack by that time‑tested method ‑ just sitting down. Is that true, Janie Leis?

Does Bruce Kaechele really have a lead‑lined locker? Maybe Linda Larsen's cookies aren't too good, but they're not that dangerous! Other juniors are having digestive problems, too. Greg Essig gets great pleasure from eating paper, but Bob Banger finds pencils more to his liking.

Tom Pifke and Eddie Lusk are going to be exterminators when they grow up. Lately, they've been finding termites in the walls of C‑203. Dave Bixby can help them, since he's A‑220's heroic spider killer. Is it true Paul Halverson's secret ambition is to be a Brillo pad? If it is, he's well on his way.

Everybody's glad to see Marge (Brotherhood) Gasteier back after a week in pediatrics. Also on the infirmities list is Tim Hinde, who's a little bruised after his practice with Aquiana. Bob Mack has a strange kind of lockjaw ‑ it comes when he's on the phone. Or maybe that 10 minutes of silence was part of his initiation into Tom Maddox's club for stimulating conversationalists.

Don't worry, Judy Johnson, Morfit knows you're the Grand Duchess. If you happen to hear World War III going on as you pass A‑113, don't worry, it's just sound effects for the Senior Class play, You Can't Take It with You.

Someone please help Anita Bergdolt. She desperately needs excuses for those days when she doesn't set her hair. Anita, think what problems you'd have if you had hair like Morfit's! Finally, Jim Kesaris, don't you know that your sweat pants belong on your legs and not neatly tied around your neck? Some of you never learn that.

The eyes of Morfit are upon you ‑ 20/20 vision and all.
Morfit and the Phynques